Silent Words
by Giovanna.B
Summary: Yuuki is having trouble regarding her feelings towards both Zero and Kaname. Setting is set after season two! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfic on this page, but still not the first ever. I really hope people like it and judge in a fair way. Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes.

Series: Vampire Knight

Pairing: Yuuki x (Kaname) Zero

I DO NOT own Vamire Knight. If I did, then I would made a more happy ending for Zero (even though I don't believe it's the end yet) All rights go to the wondeful and talented Matsuri Hino!

So, ENJOY!

~ Silent Words ~

The ice was melting so slowly. The heart was starting to beat once again. It was cold, freezing, and yet a very familiar feeling. I could feel my pulse. I felt it beat like never before. So strong. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. My white silk dress didn't give away much warmth, but the blood was getting warmer and warmer for every second that passed. I felt small shivers run down my back. The sight was hazy, but I could still somehow manage out his outlines. The words were disturbed. I didn't understand them. They were so far away and yet so close. It confused me.

After some time the words started to get understandable. They started to build sentences. Their meaning was still unclear to me, until I felt the fright behind them. They were shouting at me. Why me? They were voices I knew. Friends I had. People who cared about me. People I once knew. They were blaming me for throwing everything away. It wasn't anger I felt, it was rather disappointment. They were disappointed over me; over my decision. I wanted to say I was sorry, but was I? Was this new life what I really wanted? I started to question myself over something that was supposed to be so simple. Love was supposed to be simple, and yet it wasn't.

"I love you", were the words I longed so long to hear. I was dreaming of him saying those words for so many years, but never expected it feel like…like nothing. I felt nothing when I heard them. My love for Kaname, my brother, was always so strong, and still is. I cared about him more when I remembered he was my brother. Remembered, I guess that's the right word to use. I never really forgot the real bond between us; it was just hidden away from me, from the outside world. It was my destiny. Everything from my birth was already planned for me. So I guess the love I feel for Kaname is fake too, or?

I lied and hurt so many people. Especially him. The one who took care of me all the times I needed him. I used him and yet I lied. "I will go on and on running away from Zero," the famous quote that got stuck in my mind for so long. I was only fooling myself. I hurt him so long, said so many bad things and pushed him away so many times. I gave him my blood in hope of making up for my mistakes, but he never really wanted the blood; he wanted me. Me, to finally be his. Now I understand why he was so overprotective over me, every time Kaname was close. He didn't want Kaname to take the only thing he cared about, me, away from Zero. He had lost everyone and didn't want to lose me too. At first I didn't understand, but now I do. I was already lost. Lost in the circle of love and life.

I wanted to tell him the truth, but I was scared. I wanted to show him the true love I felt, but it is too late now. I was his enemy now, he said it himself. I had so many words to say, so many things to apologize for. The more I think about Zero and the things I should have said to him, the more I feel the affection growing. I formed my own destiny from the first time we met, and now I threw it away. I threw it away for Kaname. I thought he was the one I loved, but I'm getting unsure.

The moments me and Zero had together; I can remember them like it was yesterday. He only smiled when it was only us two. He only showed his true self when he was with me. So many times I've dreamed of becoming a vampire just to be able to be with Kaname, but now that I am, I regret. Regret, the word makes my heart ache so much. It causes me to feel agony in my throat. I have fooled everyone, even myself. The most precious treasure I was searching, longing for, was always by my side. Always watching me carefully, watching my step, so I didn't fall. And even if I did fall, he was there to catch me and pick me back up again. Zero was my wall, the wall that I climbed and that I crushed when I reached my top. I was always a cheerful child, never understanding what my heart was really telling me. Zero put up with it all; with my laugher, my pain and my tears. When I cried, he was there to comfort me, to hold me and watch over me. I used him without knowing.

I was aiming for something I could never have; Kaname's love. I was so selfish that I even got it in the end. What I really wanted, I threw it away; Zero's love. The one kiss we shared was better than what I've always dreamed of. When he finally gathered the guts to show me how he felt, it was the end. It went so fast that I never actually understood that we'd become strangers. It was the end of us, our friendship. I was finally starting to understand what I wanted. What we both felt and wanted. I wanted Zero, and he wanted me. He always wanted me. I just never saw it, until it was too late. Late, everything seems too late now. Is there every going to be us again? Will I ever have the chance to say what I've always wanted to say to Zero? If not, then I hope these silent words will sometimes reach him…_I love you Zero… _


	2. Chapter 2

**~Silent Words~**

_Chapter Two_

I wrote him letters; desperately trying to put my deepest and most secret thoughts into words. All those unspoken words. My words of regret. Sadly it was useless. I never managed to take the next step; to make those dark words into reality. The fright was surrounding me. I was afraid he would think I was weak, or maybe I was trying to break our promise. Enemies until death does us apart. That word was haunting me ever night, shattering my somehow peaceful dreams into blood. As if I hadn't seen enough of it by now. It was painful enough to see Kaname off every day. And even more harder, not knowing how Zero was. What he was doing, or even if he was alive. Of course he was alive! I was fooling myself. We made a promise. If he died, he would be breaking it.

The hunger was driving me insane, but I did everything to forget about it. I was even silly enough to think I could drink my own blood. And in front of Aidou I even managed to embarrass myself by that little silly act of mine. I was desperate for the attention. Sadly I only received it from the wrong person.

The bond between Kaname and I was too strong for anyone to break. I didn't choose wrong; I just wanted both. What a selfish and stupid act of me. My love for Kaname was strong even before I knew the true relation between the two of us. Unfortunately, I couldn't have the blood and the deadly poison. The last months before the battle, I was doubting strongly on my love for Kaname. Zero. The one person that was always by my side, no matter if it was day or night, he was giving me the attention I never seemed to get enough from Kaname. Zero was protection me for my own good, 'cause he knew the danger that was approaching us. I was just so stupid that I didn't realize it until it was a little too late. My heart was torn between the two most important things in my life; the one person that saved my little innocent life, and the one that protected that easily breakable life with all his power, until I, as selfish as I was , took his own along when I left him bleeding.

The fright of silence occurred whenever I was too lost in my own thoughts. I was scared of this cold silence, this loneliness. They were haunting me. The dark nightmares occurred whenever I closed my eyes, even just for a short moment. The lost souls of people who died just so I could grow up safely. Were haunting me. The friends I used to have, the family, they were all gone. My memory of them was getting weaker by each day that passed by. It had been a whole year, and their lives had continued long ago. Only mine stood still. Time and space stood still; it didn't move around me. He. Only he was never forgotten. All of our moments were replayed over and over again in my head. Ever since he was first brought to the Cross household, to the first time he had sunk his fangs into my young neck and sucked the blood out; moments like that I remember especially well. I could remember everything from the smallest detail of my surroundings then to the metallic and yest so warm smell of my own blood.

As long as I tried to hold onto the remaining moments I had shared with him , I knew that soon, very soon we would meet again. The outcome of our meeting I did not know of. The end was scaring me to the bone, but I was happy, even if this would be out last meeting.

* * *

Okay people. Second chapter is done. I know I've been very lazy not submitting anything, but yea, lazy? :3

Please let me know what you think it always helps the writer to improve!

If any of you have read chapter 51 of Vampire Knight, then you might see some parts in this fic. It mostly reflects of Yuukis inner toguhts and feelings. Maybe a bit more described than what it was in the manga? I don't know. So, enjoy?


End file.
